Why is it that only the happily single find true love? It seems that people find love when they’re not looking to find it, when they have their life “together” and everything seems to be going for them. They are living life to the fullest and not preoccupied with finding love. And then LOVE happens. Cupid draws back his bow, shoots his arrow, and new lovers are smitten!
Why is it that this scenario seems to be played over and over? I asked many of my girlfriends who are in happy long-term relationships to tell me their love story. How did they meet their spouse or partner? One thing many of them have in common seems to be the serendipitous nature of their encounter. They were at the right place at the right time and their eyes locked across the room. Or they were at their neighbor’s BBQ and the neighbor’s cousin happened to be in from out of town. They weren’t looking for love and yet love found them.
So I started to think about this. Not surprisingly, this is the way I met my husband. I was what you’d call a serial dater. I went from relationship to relationship because I was terrified of being alone. But after many failed relationships, heartbreak, and emotional exhaustion, I decided to take control of my life and work on myself. I realized that I was trying to fill a void and pinning my happiness goals on someone else.
So here’s the thing. I wasn’t looking for a husband and I wasn’t actively seeking to find love. I was happily single, and I wasn’t sad or lonely anymore. I had worked through my feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem and I realized I would meet the right person one day, but I wouldn’t settle out of desperation. I was active. I was present. I had friends and family who loved and supported me. I felt sure of who I was as a person and what I had to offer. And the nights when I didn’t have anything to do or anyone to go out with, I was perfectly content to stay home and snuggle with my doggie and watch TV or read a book.
So Why Is it that the Happily Single Find True Love?
I forced myself to step outside my comfort zone and grow creatively. I enrolled in a French language course at my local community college. And that’s where I met him. There he was: the first day of class, he was sitting in the back of the room and the only empty chair was next to his. Serendipity? Or was the Universe working in my favor and reminding me that nothing happens by chance? I wasn’t looking for love but love found me.
Love Will Find You When You’re Ready to Receive It
So that’s the answer! People who are happily single are comfortable in their situation. They know their self-worth and are not willing to compromise or lower their standards because they are afraid of being alone. They enjoy their own company and are choosing a partner wisely before jumping into a relationship that can have potentially disastrous consequences.
You see, when we’re happy with ourselves, we don’t need someone else to make us happy. We know that no one can fulfill that desire. But when our feelings of self-worth and our ideas of happiness are linked to being in love or in a relationship, our judgment will be clouded and we will always make the wrong decisions regarding relationships.
We choose the first Tom, Dick, or Harry who gives us the time of day because we are so desperate to escape our singleness. Because if we’re choosing a partner out of desperation, we are probably choosing the wrong person. The relationship doesn’t work out and we’re left broken-hearted and wondering what we’re doing wrong.
Love Being Single and Love Will Find You
When you believe you deserve to be loved, you will not settle for less. So if you want to find true love, then find true love within yourself. Accept your singlehood and become aware of all that you have to offer. Be the person you want to attract, someone who is confident, attractive, and engaging. Be open to meeting new people but don’t make that your main goal.
To find love, love that is meaningful and true, you may have to accept that you may be alone for a while. So in the meantime, be happy in your own skin and build the life that you want. Don’t wait for anyone to make you happy or fill the void inside you. And once you become comfortable and happy in your own skin, you’ll realize that you’ll find your true love when you least expect it.