dejected woman pressing her chin to the rail because of a breakup

I Just Got Dumped by the Love of My Life

I Just Got Dumped by the Love of My Life–Now What Do I Do? Everyone knows how painful a breakup can be.  Not only are your illusions of a perfect romantic future shattered, but your ego is left bruised.  How can this be, you ask yourself.  I thought he or she was the one! You say you will never love again!

The longer you were in the relationship, the harder it is to get over the fact that you were “dumped” like a piece of trash by someone you thought cared about you. If you think about it, that’s what the term “dumped” implies. You have been discarded, tossed aside because your ex has no more use for you.  He or she threw you out like yesterday’s garbage.

So what are you to do?  Aside from the obvious, which is feeling down in the pits, feeling sorry for yourself, plotting your revenge, or even scheming of ways to get back with your ex.  Although it may seem that there is no getting over the pain of a breakup, there are actionable things that you can do to speed up the healing process, move on with your life, and go on to the next relationship.

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10 Things to Do to Get Over a Break-Up

1 Avoid contact--Just about any self-help book or relationship guru will tell you that to get over an ex, you have to cut off all contact.  This is like a diet for your love life.  If you are trying to get over someone and you constantly have to see them, engage with them, and interact with them, it’ll make it that much harder for you to accept that this person is no longer in your life.  And by the way, you’ll have to put your foot down if your ex continues to reach out to you.  Believe it or not,  this is very common.  The dumper will continue to initiate contact with the dumpee.  Make your wishes clear and ask that person to leave you alone, especially if you know there is no going back and they’re just stringing you along.

2 Keep a journal of your emotionsJournaling is an extremely beneficial activity.  Keeping track of your daily emotions can give you an outlet to express yourself freely and honestly.  After all, your journal won’t judge you.  You can note when you’re sad, what triggers you, and even happy or bad memories that you had with your ex.

3 Think of his or her negative qualities–This might sound a bit mean but research has actually found that when you focus on the negative qualities of an ex, you tend to get over them more quickly.  Probably because you bring yourself back to reality and not to the illusion that you created in your mind.  Think of all the bad habits, the red flags, the unattractive physical traits, and all the things that annoyed you about your ex.  Yes, this will make you feel better that you’re not with that person any longer.

4 Reconnect with old friends-We all know that when we start a new relationship, we tend to focus all our time with our new love.  Our friends and family are set aside because we don’t have the space for them in our lives.  But now, that you’re newly single, reach out to your friends and your family.  Make it a point to go out, even when you don’t want to.  You don’t want to isolate yourself and build up walls around you.  And by reconnecting I don’t mean looking to social media to connect digitally.  No, pick up the phone and make a person-to-person call.  Plan to get together for drinks, lunch, dinner, or a movie.  Accept invitations to parties and social gathering.  take the opportunity to put on your best clothes and feel good about yourself all over again.  And who knows, you could meet the new love of your life.

5 Join an organization, club, church–Joining an organization that meets regularly will give structure to your life.  A break-up hurts not only because the person rejected you, but also because your life has been turned upside down.  A void, or gap, has been left because routines and normal day-to-day patterns have changed.  You had a person you used to see every day, or spend the weekends with.  You had someone by your side and now there is emptiness and loneliness, and you are not sure how you’re going to fill your time.  Belonging to an organization, club, or church can give you that sense of community and belonging.  It can also fill up your calendar with activities that are routinely scheduled.  This can help fill the emptiness because you’re looking forward to new experiences and events to keep you occupied.

“There are actionable things that you can do to speed up the healing process, move on with your life, and go on to the next relationship.”

6 Volunteer–Giving back to your community and doing for others is a great way to take your mind off yourself.  Knowing that there are people or animals in need will make you realize that there are bigger and greater things in life than your “petty” little problems.  Volunteering at your local animal shelter, senior center, the local Y, tutoring or mentoring underprivileged youth, are ways to give back and pay it forward with your time.  Not only will you be spiritually fulfilled but you’ll also occupy your time with more lofty pursuits that will get your mind off your own sadness.

7 Physical activity–Being physically active is a great way to relieve or eliminate stress.  Going through a painful breakup can leave you feeling physically debilitated.  Your health may suffer because of the bottled up grief and stress.  Engaging in activities that will keep the body moving can help you feel better physically and ultimately make your mind stronger.  Not only that, but going to the gym is a great way to meet new people and get out of the house.  If you prefer the outdoors, go to the park for a jog or take a stroll around the neighborhood.  The fresh air will do you good and again, you’ll be around people.

8 Mediate or Pray–We cannot ignore that spirituality is an essential component of a fulfilled life.  People who seek a higher power or have an awareness of something greater than themselves will usually feel more at peace about situations because they know that there is a force guiding their lives and circumstances.   Spiritual people live their lives with intention and purpose and know that things happen for a reason.  Meditating and praying to get over the heartache of being dumped is essential in order to find a deeper sense of peace and understanding.  You may not feel it at the time, but every hurt you experience is an opportunity to discover a better life path.  You can seek out those answers through meditation and prayer.

9 Seek therapy or counseling–Getting professional help is especially important if you feel that this break-up has left you emotionally paralyzed.  If you feel worthless and inadequate, you beat yourself up and think no one will ever love you again, you should go speak to a qualified person who can help you cope with the painful effects of the breakup.  Sometimes, we can’t do things alone and that’s where professionals come in.  No situation is hopeless, even if we do think it is at the moment.  An outsider with expertise in counseling can help us put things into perspective.

10 Start dating again–You probably will take some time off from the dating scene, but as soon as you feel you are ready, you should put yourself out there and give love another chance.  Remember the odds are in your favor (no matter what you hear or statistics say) that you will meet someone and fall in love again.  But you have to be ready and open to receive that love. Let your friends know you are ready to date, join a quality online dating site, enlist a matchmaker if you have to.  Seek love and love and happiness will find you.

Get Over Your Ex by Living Your Best Life

happy woman living her best life after being dumped by her love
The best revenge is a life well lived.

Getting dumped by the love of your life can be traumatic, to say the least.  You’ll experience a rollercoaster of emotions ranging from grief to anger and everything in between. When we experience a breakup, and especially when we are the one being broken up with, we want to show our ex that he or she made a mistake.

But despite the fact that you may want to let your ex know what a good thing he or she lost,  you need to let that thought go, focus on your own life, and make it the best life it can be. Hanging on to the past will prevent you from living in the present and preparing for the future.

Getting over heartbreak takes time.  But know that you are not the first person ever to be dumped and that although it breaks your heart and stings your ego, you will go on stronger than ever.  Just put yourself first and treat yourself with the love, kindness, and the respect that you deserve.  Because when you do this, you will find that quality people are attracted to you and you will find true love and happiness.

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