Letting a guy down easy may not exactly be “easy”, especially if he’s a “nice” guy and you don’t want to hurt his feelings. You may think you gave clear signs but sometimes men don’t pick up on those signals. So what is the best way to let someone know you’re not interested without heartlessly shattering his self-esteem?
For starters let’s hope that you never led him on. But if you did, because you were initially interested and then changed your mind, there are ways of ending it before he gets too invested in you and the situation becomes more complicated. After all, you don’t want to date someone because you don’t want to hurt his feelings. What about your feelings?
How to Let Him Down Easy and Not Feel Guilty About It
- Be direct. You want to let a guy down gently but you don’t want to beat around the bush. As women, sometimes it’s difficult to say no to someone and not feel guilty about it. But the fact is that sometimes we have to go that uncomfortable place and say what’s on our mind. Don’t be wishy-washy. If you’re really not interested in him, let him down with grace and directness.
- Don’t be rude. You don’t need to be rude to get your point across. Being rude doesn’t mean that you won’t hurt his feelings. Sure, his ego will probably be bruised but he’ll recover. Make sure you let him know how you feel in a way that is both delicate and polite.
- Don’t give mixed messages. If you’re really not into this guy, don’t use qualifiers like “for now” or “maybe later” because they offer a glimmer of hope. Don’t accept that second date because you don’t know how to say no and turn him down. Why make him believe he’s got a chance? If you know there is no way you’d want to date this guy, then make sure the door is shut tight.
- Don’t ghost. Don’t just disappear withou offering some type of explanation. You know how you felt when you’ve been ghosted before. No one likes loose ends. People need some sort of closure and by sending a simple text letting him know how you feel, you can put a period at the end of that proverbial sentence.
5 Simple Texts you can send him to let him know you’re not interested.
Depending on the situation, you can tailor these text messages to fit the occasion and let him down easy.
- Hi, although I had a great night last night, I don’t think the energy was right between us. You’re a great catch but just not for me.
- Hey, I’m not interested in a relationship but perhaps we can be friends.
- Hi, I have to be totally honest with you. You seem like a really cool guy but I didn’t feel a spark between us.
- Hey, from our conversation, we seem to want different things, but thanks for a great night out
. Hey, I’m not (I am) looking for this right now so now is not the right time for me. Good luck and maybe we can be friends.
Be Honest and Let Him Down Easy
Letting a guy down easy is the best thing you can do for him. Why would you lead him on because you feel uncomfortable being authentic and honest? You’ll only complicate matters and in the end, you’ll both end up getting hurt.
You don’t have to feel guilty about it either. When you speak your truth, you may feel uncomfortable at first. Remember that we’re taught at a young age to be nice and put others’ needs above our own.
However, honesty IS the best policy and you can be honest with him in a graceful and kind way. By doing so, you’ll be asserting yourself and not settling for something you do not really want.
Erin Love Thomas is the founder and managing editor of This Side of Happy. As a relationship blogger, Erin helps readers find, nurture, and sustain healthy relationships. Erin's desire is that everyone finds the love and happiness they seek.