Finding true love and happiness is every human being’s desire. We all want to feel fulfilled and appreciated. We all want to feel inner joy, peace, and contentment. As social beings, we want to share our lives with others and feel an emotional, spiritual, and physical connection with that one special person who can complete us. So how do we do it?
The problem is that expecting someone to make you completely, chronically happy is a delusion. You should not expect to find someone to always make you happy and to always fill that void. Your happiness should not depend on someone else because it leads to inevitable disappointment. When you put such a great burden on another person, what ends up happening is that person disappointing you or failing to meet your unrealistic expectations. As a result, the relationship suffers, you experience a letdown, and you plummet into self-doubt, questions, and feelings of despair and sadness. Sound familiar?
To say that happiness comes from within is a cliche but one that is true. It means that to be truly happy you must feel grateful for what life has given you. If you do not like where you are, then you must actively take steps to fix the things that are not working. Ultimately, happiness means that you control your situations and your state of mind. While it is true that humans cannot control everything, we can know what to control, and what to let go of. This process can bring us peace of mind and a certain degree of quiet calmness which translates into happiness.
Happiness Comes from Inside
If your life is in turmoil, you cannot expect to make good decisions. One decision may trigger a domino effect of poor choices and lead you to a negative outcome. Before you can meet the “right” person, you must be “right” yourself. It’s like the age-old saying, “before you love someone else, you must love yourself.”
Think of yourself as a spiritual being that gives off a certain magnetic energy. That energy will attract “like” energy. You may be attracting people who you deem to be “low quality “ without realizing that you are responsible for that.
People often say that they met someone unexpectedly. Why does this happen? Did they not want to find true love and happiness? Of course, they did. But they were already happy and in love with themselves. When you’re okay with your life and when you’re already happy, love and happiness come back to you. It’s the basic law of attraction. Whatever vibration you put out will come back to you.
10 Steps to Finding True Love and Happiness
To find true love and happiness, you should strive to improve these five areas of your life: physical, social, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual.
Your appearance matters. Whether we like to admit it or not, our appearance plays a huge role in how we are perceived by others. The old sayings that you can’t judge a book by its cover and beauty is only skin deepare only superficially true (no pun intended there). Of course, surface beauty is not the only thing that matters — but the reality is, first impressions count. When you’re out in public and meeting people for the first time, it’s important that you look presentable and that you look the best you can. Especially in the beginning, your appearance matters so make sure that you do the basics: groom your hair, look clean and neat, and make sure your clothes fit well.
Your health plays a role in your mental well-being. It is also important that you cultivate your good health and physical condition. If you need to shed a few extra pounds, go ahead and start a healthy regimen of exercise and clean eating that will put you on a wellness path. You’ll have more energy and feel all around better about yourself. After all, you need to be in your best physical and mental state in the early stages of dating to maintain the energy and vivaciousness to keep up with all the initial events and outings.
Look approachable to attract quality people. Put your best foot forward when interacting with others. Body language can speak louder than words. You may be sending signals that you’re unapproachable by the way you sit, the way you cross your arms, and the way you look at someone. Often enough, the expressions we show or the way we behave can be unintentional, but to someone who doesn’t know you, they can mean much more. Practice in front of a mirror and ask your friends how you come across. If you come across as standoffish or snobbish, people may not approach you because after all, why would anyone risk speaking to you or making the attempt to know you, if the signals you are sending say “stay away from me.” When meeting new people, be a good listener. Ask questions that show that you’re interested in them. Remember their name and say it often in the conversation. Make good eye contact and give a firm handshake or kind hug.
Be confident. Confidence is the new sexy. Let’s face it—everyone lacks confidence at some point in time. But the difference is that some people don’t show it. Sexiness begins in your mind. If you are secure in who you are, it doesn’t matter if you aren’t the most attractive in the room, the most well-traveled, or the richest. You have confidence in who you are and you know you have something to say. You’re not afraid to put yourself out there and let the world know it. People around you will feel your confident energy and that will draw them toward you. Know that you cannot be all things to all people. Some people will like you and some will not. And that’s okay. Knowing this, you will avoid people-pleasing behaviors and you will become comfortable in your own skin. And nothing is sexier than a person who is self-assured and poised.
Control your emotions and discipline your mind. Controlling your mind and your thoughts takes discipline. This means establishing routines and positive habits that promote a growth-centric mindset. Keep a journal to track your ups and downs. Learn to recognize triggers and find ways to avoid them. You may not be able to do this on your own and may need to seek advice or help from a mental health specialist. Counselors, therapists and members of the clergy are trained to provide specialized assistance to clarify your feelings, mediate difficult situations, and offer guidance with stressful, life-altering decisions. Sometimes we need the help of a professional if we’ve fallen into a repetitive cycle of bad choices or habits, and don’t know how to break the patterns to start fresh.
Be flexible with your expectations. Sometimes our expectations are unrealistic. If you find yourself constantly being disappointed by the actions or lack or actions of others, then the problem may lie within you. You may be self-sabotaging your relationships or the chances of meeting a quality person because you feel you are undeserving. Many of your disappointments may be self-inflicted because you set yourself up to only be let down. These are negative patterns that you need to break and will probably need the help of a professional since many of these are deep-rooted mindsets and behaviors that you are not even aware of.
Forgive others and yourself. Forgiveness is a powerful weapon. You make a choice to forgive. Forgive yourself and stop beating yourself up for past mistakes and for poor choices. You are not a bad person. You are just human. We’ve all messed up. If you are living in a quagmire of self-blame, condemnation, and reproach, you must break free and overcome those feelings of guilt. Again, seek professional help. You cannot forget the past, including the people who hurt or abused you, but you can forgive them and yourself. By letting go of past baggage, you open yourself up to new beginnings, to new situations, and to new love. Recognize that you deserve to be happy.
Expand your mind. Learning new things and challenging old ideas are an important part of growth and change. Times change and you have to keep up. You want to stimulate your mind and expand your knowledge of other cultures, perspectives, and beliefs. Pursue such activities as reading quality books, staying on top of current events, and above all, challenge your curiosity and look at things from a different perspective.
Get rid of limiting beliefs. A limiting belief is something that you believe to be true about yourself, your friends, relationships. In fact, your limiting beliefs are how you view life in general and they prevent you from finding the true love and happiness you deserve. These limiting beliefs seem to be “fact” and have been ingrained in your subconscious mind by your parents, family, society, and experiences. If you’ve been cheated on before and now you feel that you cannot love again because someone will break your heart, that is a limiting belief. How about pursuing the things you’ve only dreamed about? Do you hear the little voice saying, “you’ll probably fail so don’t even try?” That’s a limiting belief. Ironically, the universe gives you what you put out. So you’ll only be reinforcing the negative aspects of your thoughts and making them come to pass. Try enforcing the positive ones and make them your reality.
Ask, believe, and you will receive. Have faith and let the world know what you want. Tell your friends that you want to meet someone. Put it out there. Pray about it and ask, believing in faith, that you will meet someone who is the right person for you. Get rid of the doubts. Expect to receive and live your life moving toward the fulfillment of that expectation. You’ll start to put things in spiritual motion. Remember, things are always in perpetual motion. You just might not always see them moving.
Love Yourself First to Find the Happiness You Desire
True love and happiness are not about material possessions, acquiring wealth, being famous, going to the right parties with the right people, having physical beauty. They’re about living in an empowered state of mind, letting go of the past, feeling physically alive, and being full of expectation that positive things will come your way because you deserve to find true love and happiness. And when the rough seas of life turn up, you’ll know how to navigate them because you know that adversity is temporary and that the sun comes out after the rain. Love yourself first, and true love and happiness will find you!