couple in love for the second time embraced in a plaid blanket in an autumn sky

Finding Love the Second Time Around

If you’re getting over a break-up, a divorce, or have been hurt in the past, you may think that finding true love the second time around is just not in the stars. You may have become jaded to romance and you may think that there is no one out there for you.  You don’t want to put yourself through the pain of having your heart broken one more time. And thinking of dating again gives you a case of the hives.

You may also hear the terrifying statistics that say that if you’re over a certain age, your chances of finding true love are next to none.

You’re probably wise to feel cautious about going out in the dating world again and wanting to find love the second time around.  But if you open your heart to the idea that there are a lot of good people out there who are also looking for love, you have a good chance of meeting a quality individual with whom you can build a future together.

Open Your Heart to the Possibility of Loving Again for the Second Time

The truth is that many people become bitter after a failed relationship.  They think that there is no such thing as true love and that loving someone is just a recipe for inviting heartache back into their lives.  And while it is true that loving someone brings its own inherent risks and heartaches, the joy and fulfillment of being in a love-filled relationship outweigh any negative risks.

One of the things that people who’ve been hurt experience is lack of trust when they meet someone who could be a potential romantic partner.  It’s understandable since they may have gotten out of a relationship where trust was broken because of infidelity or lies. Recognizing that not everyone will cheat or lie and that there are a lot of quality people looking for love, is a start to opening your heart o the possibilities of loving again for the second time around.

Don’t make the same mistakes when starting a new relationship

One of the things you’ll need to do to be successful in this new relationship is not to repeat the same mistakes and patterns of the past.

  • Don’t rush the relationship–Take time to know each other.  Don’t think that because you are of a certain age that you must rush into things. Approach the romance with caution and with your head. Don’t let your heart overtake your common sense.  Don’t introduce this new person to your children or your friends and family until you know that the relationship is headed down a mutually exclusive commitment.
  • Recognize that you both come with baggage–everyone carries around some sort of emotional luggage but this baggage you bring from your previously failed relationship needs to be dealt with in a constructive way.  Chances are, you’re both older with more life experiences and commitments. And that “baggage” can be children, alimony, unstable exes, elderly parents, demanding work schedules, etc.. Baggage can also manifest itself in the emotional scars that you both carry with you and how you project them onto the relationship.
  • Forgive each other’s annoyances–Recognize that you will both get on each other’s nerves.  Don’t let little things turn big things. Don’t let the proverbial molehill turn into Mount Everest.  If you want to make the relationship work, know that you will have ups and downs and that this is a healthy and normal part of human interaction.
couple with new found love making memories by kneading dough in an embrace
Don’t be afraid to try new things together and make memories all of your own.
  • Don’t compare your new love to your ex–You may be tempted to openly make references to your ex and compare your new love to your past lover.  Don’t do this. In the first place, no one likes to be compared to anyone else. So any comparison to the ex will be extremely off-putting and your new partner may feel diminished or insecure about your feelings toward them.  Additionally, don’t make comparisons in your mind. This is a new person and although they may do things or say things that trigger a knee-jerk reaction back to your previous relationship, resist the urge to compare. You will only sabotage your chances with this new person if you’re always taking mental stock and living in your past relationship.  Why would you keep comparing this new person to someone who didn’t work out for you?
  • Understand that no one can make you happy.  That’s your responsibility. Often times, people will look to others to bring them happiness.  That’s one of the biggest mistakes couples make. They place unrealistic expectations on the other partner and when that partner fails to meet the expectations, the relationship crumbles.  No one can make another person happy. That is a burden that no one should bear. You can show the love you have for each other with the little things you do but in the end, it’s how you perceive your circumstances and your partner that will bring you inner happiness.

“You’re probably wise to feel cautious about going out in the dating world again and wanting to find love the second time around.  But if you open your heart to the idea that there are a lot of good people out there who are also looking for love, you have a good chance of meeting a quality individual with whom you can build a future together.”

Finding True Love the Second Time Around is Possible and It Can Be Better Than the First Time

couple in a new relationship having fun by the seaside

A word of caution:  you cannot repeat the mistakes of the past. You have a great opportunity to create the life of your dreams with your new love interest.  You are now more mature and experienced in matters of the heart. When you come into a new relationship knowing what to do and not to do, what expectations you can leave behind, you can find true love and happiness all over again and make your new relationship strong and long-lasting.  

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