Chivalry is Not Dead: 10 Steps to Become the Perfect Gentleman
When we think of chivalry, we imagine chivalrous knights in shining armor who transport us back to the Middle Ages where these noblemen lived by a code of gallantry, courtesy, and honor. They took an oath to defend the weak, to show courage in the face of danger, and to uphold the moral virtues that promoted honor and nobility.
But today the idea of the chivalrous knight, the one who protects the damsel in distress, has changed because most women don’t view themselves as helpless damsels who need protection from dragons and invaders. So while the literal connotation no longer applies, the figurative and romantic representation persists of a masculine man who is all at once a provider, a protector, and a perfect gentleman.
The Perfect Gentleman is not your “Nice Guy”
I’m sure you’ve heard that women like the “bad boys”. And yes, this is partly true. What women like about bad boys is the virility they exude. Remember that at the most basic, deep-down-in-their-DNA level, women need two things: 1) a man who will give her a healthy offspring, and 2) a man who can provide for said offspring. And the bad boy who’s full of male testosterone is the one for the job.
So how can we reconcile the chivalrous gentleman (that women should want) and the bad boy (what women actually want) to combine them into one perfect man?
One answer: Bond, James Bond.
James Bond is the modern day answer to the knight in shining armor. A modern-day knight, a bad boy, and a badass, but also, a perfect gentleman.
You see, being a perfect gentleman doesn’t mean you have to lay down your coat in a puddle so your lady’s dainty booties don’t get stuck in the muck as she crosses the street. No, being a perfect, bad-boy, chivalrous gentleman means exuding the confidence and strength that says to your lady, “I will not let anything or anyone harm you,” and at the same time gives your lady the respect and love she deserves.
Sound confusing? Like an oxymoron? It really isn’t. Being a perfect gentleman doesn’t mean you’re a pushover, you speak in a pretentious British accent, wear a top hat, and carry a handkerchief to wipe away your damsel’s hysterical tears. The perfect gentleman is not the “nice guy” whom women dismiss either. A perfect gentleman is a sophisticated blend of masculinity, assertiveness, sexiness, and chivalrous manners.
10 Qualities of a Perfect Gentleman
1 Attractive: We know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder but to attract the woman of your choice you must meet some basic level of attractiveness and physical desirability. This means that your hygiene is on point, that you are well groomed (no werewolf hair growing out of the back of your shirt and up your neck), and that your attire is also clean and appropriate for the occasion. You must be in good physical shape so that you exude virility and manliness.
2 Sensual: Sensuality does not necessarily mean sexuality. It does not mean that you are a boor, a cad, or a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It means that you have that animal magnetism that shows you know how to give a woman what she wants. You’re flirtatious and mysterious and know how to gaze into her eyes and whisper in her ear, and touch her lightly on the small of her back. All of this without being perceived as a lecherous perv. It takes skill to accomplish this.
3 Quick-Witted: The ability to think quickly and act on your feet is a quality that makes people charming and charismatic. Men who are witty and sharp are considered to be sexier and more appealing than their witless counterparts. Prince Charming didn’t get his name for being dull!
4 Risk-Taker: Being a risk taker doesn’t mean you’re going to jump over 20 cars on your kid brother’s scooter. Risk takers are those who break society’s mold and go to the edge where sometimes society says they cannot go. And we’re not talking about stupid risks, either. These are risks that have a cost-benefit analysis that always yields a positive outcome. Women tend to find men more attractive and sexier when they see them bending the rules and going for what they want.
5 Assertive: A perfect gentleman is assertive. Just like James Bond, you know what you want and you expect to get it. Don’t be a doormat for a woman or anyone, for that matter, and don’t be a pushover. You may think you’re being nice and sensitive but deep down, women will think you’re a wimp and will not respect you.
6 Three C’s: Cool, Calm, and Collected. There’s nothing sexier than a man who has a handle on his emotions and seems in control in the time of adverse circumstances. A man who seems weak in the face of adversity, who freaks out, who has anger issues, and is manipulative, is not a man women want, need, or should be around.
7 Financially Stable: To be financially stable does not mean you have to be rich and drive fancy cars. It means you have a handle on your finances and can support yourself outside of your parent’s house. A woman does not need to rely on you for monetary support but you will be more appealing to her if you hold down a steady job.
8 Worldly: If you look up the definition of worldly, Merriam Webster states that a worldly person is one who is sophisticated and experienced in human affairs. And this is the definition that I want to use to describe the perfect gentleman. Not the first definition of worldly which describes someone who is primarily attracted to material vs spiritual things. If he wants to attract a quality woman, a man should broaden his horizons, become aware of political and human events. He should travel or read up on other cultures. In short, he must leave the confines of his little insular “world” and travel, figuratively and literally, outward to discover other lands, peoples, and sceneries. People will see him as urbane and cosmopolitan. Again, think of Bond, James Bond.
9 Unattainable: If you come across as too eager you are going to put women off. For unknown reasons, women are not attracted to men who are always smiling and walking with a pep in their step. Women also want a challenge: they want to try to fix you and save you from your emotional demons. In a study conducted by the University of British Columbia, women were drawn to men who were perceived to be somber, proud, and powerful.
10 Gallant: This is the most important quality that chivalrous gentleman, and yes, that includes James Bond, possess. Gallantry means that you embody qualities such as bravery, mettle, grit, and stoutheartedness. But above all, a gallant gentleman is courteous, attentive, polite, and most importantly, respectful. And this refers to treating all women with respect, not just the ones you’re attracted to. Be courteous: offer your seat, take off her coat, get her a drink, don’t be crass or vulgar. Don’t treat her like one of the boys! Most women still appreciate a man who treats them like a lady. Would James Bond expel bodily gases or curse in front of a lady? I think not!
Becoming the Perfect Gentleman Does Not Happen Overnight
Of course, you can’t expect to acquire or perfect all of these traits overnight. Becoming a badass gentleman takes hard work and years of practice. James Bond certainly wasn’t born as the James Bond we know. But work at perfecting these qualities day-by-day, and through baby steps, you’ll see that you too can be the man you want to be — and have the woman you want to have.
Men, don’t forget to check out my review of Wing Girl Secrets: Dating Guide for Men. Click HERE to learn more!