So you think your boyfriend or husband is cheating on you but you’re not exactly sure. You can’t really put your finger on it but you know that something is off. You suspect that he is cheating. Conventional wisdom tells us that if you suspect something is going on, you’re probably right. Knowing the warning signs can help you figure out if he’s cheating on you and what the next steps should be.
1. His day-to-day routine changes–Any change in his routine is not necessarily a sign that your man is cheating, but cheaters do change their routine to accommodate their time so they can spend it with their mistress. So let’s say, for example, that your husband used to come home straight from work but now he always manages to have some errand he needs to run, like stopping by the mall or dropping off dry cleaning. He now may have to work late so he comes home later. He may also go to work earlier. Any changes in his usual routine may be a warning sign that your man is indeed being unfaithful.
2. Small changes in personal behavior–The operative word is “changes”. Anything that deviates from the norm may raise suspicion. Perhaps you and your husband used to watch tv together at night. And now, he prefers to watch alone in another room. You used to go out every weekend and spend time together, and now he makes excuses why he can’t and chooses to go out alone.
3. He has new tastes and hobbies–If you see your man eating and trying things that you know he never did, then something’s up. He never ate sushi and now he loves it. He’s taking salsa lessons and didn’t ask you to join. It could be that the other woman is into these things and he wants to please her and be into the things that she likes. Just because a person develops new tastes and hobbies may not mean that you should be concerned but these red flags, coupled with all the other warning signs, could indicate indiscretion.
The operative word is “changes”. Any changes that deviate from the norm should raise suspicion.
4. There is a change in sexual intimacy–If he’s being unfaithful, you may notice a change in your sex habits. He may not want to engage in any sexual activity with you. This can especially happen if the affair is more than physical since he may have fallen in love with the other woman and now feels he’s cheating on her if he has sex with you. On the other hand, he may be overly interested. He may also want to try out new techniques and positions. Any new tricks that he’s learned he’ll try on you before trying on her. This could be a sign that he’s cheating.
5. He does not respond to texts and calls–This is very obvious. If you were able to reach him at work most times during the day, or he quickly responded to your texts or calls but now, he is impossible to reach, he may be cheating on you. This is especially true if you know he already left work but hasn’t arrived at home. You call him and he doesn’t answer. OR if you call during his lunchtime and you can’t reach him. His phone is either turned off or it goes to his voicemail. This is another red flag that your husband may be having an affair.
6. He has unusual attention to grooming and appearance–All of a sudden your man has joined a gym and has lost 20 pounds. He has bought new clothes that are trendy and stylish. He may have a new haircut and is always concerned about how he looks. This is another warning sign that he wants to impress a new woman.
Trust your instincts. You’ve probably heard, seen, and felt things that make you question his faithfulness.
7. He becomes distant and moody–Changes in emotional behavior are the first things to indicate that your man is not interested in you and that he may have found someone else. If he is becoming distant, it is a sign that he may have feelings for another. He may not feel as close to you as he does to her and also, his feelings of guilt plague him and he does not know how to handle the fact that he’s being unfaithful. Thus, he retracts from you. He may also be moody and short-tempered. He may be irritated by simple things and lash out at you. Since he is feeling emotionally distant from you, he will be annoyed by things that never bothered him before.
8. He is acting secretive and sneaky–If you see him being sneaky when having phone conversations, or putting a new passcode on his phone, he is obviously hiding something. He may go into another room to have a phone conversation or stay in the car to talk on the phone. He may be very coy and secretive about his whereabouts and not be forthcoming about his day or activities. You may catch him in telling you small lies or big lies. All indicate he’s being unfaithful.
9. He accuses YOU of cheating–The old deflection technique. People usually accuse others of what they’re doing themselves. This is the classic deflection or even gaslighting. He may make you question your reality and try to turn the tables on you. When you start defending yourself, the argument turns against you and the focus is now off of him.
10. You have an intuition–If you’re reading this article you probably have a feeling that your husband is having an affair. I’m sorry to say that you’re probably right. Always trust your intuition because intuition is based on pieces of evidence that are picked up by your subconscious mind and brought to the forefront of your conscious mind. You may just have a hunch or feeling but it’s much more than just paranoia. Trust your instincts. You’ve probably heard, seen, and felt things that make you question his faithfulness.
He may make you question your reality and try to turn the tables on you.
While coming to grips with the knowledge that your husband is cheating on you can be heartbreaking, it is best that the truth comes out. Men cheat for various reasons and many times a relationship can still be saved even if one partner had an affair and was unfaithful. Knowing what steps to take to save your marriage after infidelity is key. Sometimes the truth is ugly and bitter but it’s always better to live a life of truth than one of lies. Only then can your relationship thrive and you both can start on a path to rebuilding your commitment and love for each other.